Failure is a deeply personal topic that no one wants to discuss. However, it is a dilemma that occurs frequently in life. Although no one enjoys admitting it, we all fail. Most of our failures are small and have few repercussions. However, even a small failure can cost us our lives. A moment's distraction while driving may result in a fatal accident. One wrong word spoken in haste or anger can break a heart.

Failure is a scourge of the ego and the reducer of pride. Very few people accept it as the schoolmaster that it is. We sometimes laugh at our failures to soften the reality of them. Another common maneuver is to play the blame game, make elaborate excuses, and consistently point out the failures of other people. I have often felt that people who consistently spread malicious gossip are insecure, chronic failures who attempt to cover up their inadequacies by smearing other people. Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't build up the weak by tearing down the strong," but that is human nature at it's nastiest.

When we make a mistake in life that leads to failure that causes severe consequences, our first inclination is to protect the image that we have of ourselves. Accepting failure is one of the most difficult things. I mean to honestly confront ourselves, admit to the weakness that caused the failure, and accept responsibility for the consequences. The cause of failure is like a worm in our soul. It is like confronting the junk in the spare closet, reminders of bad choices and impetuous decisions. The root of failure is the painted over flaw, the dust under the bed, the cobwebs in the corner, the little things that we are either too busy or too lazy to correct.

Occasionally our failure results in irreparably damaged relationships. Our excuses get hollower each time we repeat them until we finally shut up. Then the lonely dark night of the soul begins. We look inside to discover what went wrong and an old friend emerges. Its that little flaw that we harbored, nourished, and wouldn't let go of although we had numerous opportunities to do so. Exposed and ashamed, we turn to a variety of options to ease the sting; none of them work.

When I was in the world system, I was a miserable failure. My cover-up was being a tough guy, getting drunk and hiding from reality in a drug-induced haze. After I became a Christian, I was reintroduced to failure. It was a different type of failure, but failure nonetheless. I failed to pray consistently, failed to keep my vows, failed to be sinless, failed as a parent, failed as a pastor, failed as a friend, failed as provider, and the list goes on. If people were depending on me to be the model of perfection, they picked the wrong guy. In fact, I have failed so many times that I even wondered more than once if God was ready to toss me out of His kingdom.

There have been many dark nights of the soul for me, searching my heart, digging for answers, and hating them when they came. However, one strong conclusion that I came to was that God has a problem when it comes to me. That is, He being perfect has to find a way to perform a perfect work through an imperfect vessel. I also realize that I will always be imperfect here in this life no matter how much I try to improve and avoid failure.

One might question; then why even try to improve? First of all, I try because the love of and for God compels me to obey His word. I try because it is in the trying that I have understood the priceless and indescribable mercy and grace of God. Experiencing God's love through His grace and forgiveness gives me the confidence to try and the faith to succeed. I've had some successes and they also give me inspiration to press on. Finally, I keep trying to improve and overcome failure because I want to imitate my hero, Jesus Christ. He died in my place for my sins; He has never let me down and never will. The first time I ever experienced love was when He touched my life twenty-three years ago.

I am fiercely determined to never quit trying to live up to my potential in God. The shame is not in failure, but not trying. That is like admitting defeat before we even begin. It is the cowardly way to escape failure. Not trying is the worst failure. I'm equally as determined to help as many people as I can to understand that God specializes in saving failures. The fact that He has provided such abundant equipment for our Christian life indicates that He knew before hand that we would need help. The greatest equipment He gave us was a thing called repentance. With repentance an imperfect man such as me has the hope of eternal life in His kingdom of heaven. If I can make it, anyone can. No one is turned away who comes to God with a sincere heart of belief and asks His forgiveness. He calls all failures to accept His free gift of salvation and the bonus of eternal life. If you qualify, He's just a prayer away.