Went to the florist the other day, and a transvestite waited on me. I wanted a spray with a Christian message, but he refused to take my order. He explained it was against his principles to make or sell sprays with Christian messages. I was devastated. I believe that I should be compensated for the damages.
First, when I walked out of the door, I immediately had a fit of sneezing ($15k). Then I got in my car, but the heat was so bad that I felt faint ($5k). Pulling onto the street a car honked and I had to swerve to keep from hitting it ($5k). I thought I would feel better if I turned on the radio, but “Another One Bites the Dust” blared out of my speakers ($10k).
At that point, I began to wonder how much damage the transvestite had done to my self-esteem. After a quick assessment, the results were bad. I did not feel confident enough to try out for American Idol ($8.5k). When I went to the ATM, I was frozen at the key pad, fearful of withdrawing some cash ($2.5k). My fear was confirmed when I looked up and an old lady smiled at me. I smiled back, but she walked right past and hugged a man behind me ($5k). I bought a “scratch-off” lottery ticket, but God did not let me win ($2.5k). At the sub shop next door, I ordered a 6” sub. The woman asked, “Toasted?” Why does everyone know what happened to me ($5k)?
From there, I went to Wal-Mart. It seemed that everyone was avoiding looking at me ($3k). I bought some nasal decongestant because I heard that 2 squirts on the tongue would take away the smell of onions. It didn’t work. I blew on my fingers and could still smell onions ($2k). On the way out of the store, I walked into the glass panel beside the door ($5k). Some people laughed ($10k). I walked past some flowers and a bee attacked me ($2.5k). Luckily, I wasn’t stung. I suddenly felt very alone and dejected ($5k).
I was so depressed that I called my pastor ($5k). After I told him my story, he told me that I was homophobic and needed to see a psychologist ($10k). The next day, I visited the psychologist. He gave me a prescription for Prozac and a gay movie on Blu-ray ($15k).
I was at my wits end, in anguish, going from one crisis to another, until I met this homeless guy. There I was sitting on the park bench when he tried to sell me a small bouquet of flowers for five bucks. I remarked that I wished it was that easy to buy flowers all the time. He asked me what I meant, and I told him my story. When I was finished, he asked me why I didn’t just buy flowers from a Christian florist. I felt stupid ($25k).
That’s a good one!
Priceless.
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This situation out there is so insane you can’t help but see humor as well. Did you hear about the guy who as a survey went to muslim bakers to see if they would bake a gay cake? They all declined. But you won’t hear about that in the media…
God bless!