Cedric Fisher: "earnestly contending for the faith."

Meanwhile, somewhere in Oregon…

Went to the florist the other day, and a transvestite waited on me.  I wanted a spray with a Christian message, but he refused to take my order.  He explained it was against his principles to make or sell sprays with Christian messages.  I was devastated.  I believe that I should be compensated for the damages.

First, when I walked out of the door, I immediately had a fit of sneezing ($15k).  Then I got in my car, but the heat was so bad that I felt faint ($5k).  Pulling onto the street a car honked and I had to swerve to keep from hitting it ($5k).  I thought I would feel better if I turned on the radio, but “Another One Bites the Dust” blared out of my speakers ($10k).

At that point, I began to wonder how much damage the transvestite had done to my self-esteem.  After a quick assessment, the results were bad.  I did not feel confident enough to try out for American Idol ($8.5k).   When I went to the ATM, I was frozen at the key pad, fearful of withdrawing some cash ($2.5k).  My fear was confirmed when I looked up and an old lady smiled at me.  I smiled back, but she walked right past and hugged a man behind me ($5k).  I bought a “scratch-off” lottery ticket, but God did not let me win ($2.5k).  At the sub shop next door, I ordered a 6” sub.  The woman asked, “Toasted?”  Why does everyone know what happened to me ($5k)?

From there, I went to Wal-Mart.  It seemed that everyone was avoiding looking at me ($3k).  I bought some nasal decongestant because I heard that 2 squirts on the tongue would take away the smell of onions.  It didn’t work.  I blew on my fingers and could still smell onions ($2k).    On the way out of the store, I walked into the glass panel beside the door ($5k).  Some people laughed ($10k).  I walked past some flowers and a bee attacked me ($2.5k).   Luckily, I wasn’t stung.  I suddenly felt very alone and dejected ($5k).

I was so depressed that I called my pastor ($5k).  After I told him my story, he told me that I was homophobic and needed to see a psychologist ($10k).  The next day, I visited the psychologist.  He gave me a prescription for Prozac and a gay movie on Blu-ray ($15k).

I was at my wits end, in anguish, going from one crisis to another, until I met this homeless guy.  There I was sitting on the park bench when he tried to sell me a small bouquet of flowers for five bucks.  I remarked that I wished it was that easy to buy flowers all the time.  He asked me what I meant, and I told him my story.  When I was finished, he asked me why I didn’t just buy flowers from a Christian florist.  I felt stupid ($25k).

2 Comments

  1. Mary Rhew

    That’s a good one!

  2. Evangelina

    Priceless.
    ( ( :
    This situation out there is so insane you can’t help but see humor as well. Did you hear about the guy who as a survey went to muslim bakers to see if they would bake a gay cake? They all declined. But you won’t hear about that in the media…

    God bless!

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